


Mars Curiosity

by wicked3659



Category: Transformers (Cartoon Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-02
Updated: 2012-09-02
Packaged: 2017-11-13 08:51:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/501684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wicked3659/pseuds/wicked3659
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A routine collaborative mission with NASA and the Autobots turns out to be not so routine after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mars Curiosity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ravynfyre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravynfyre/gifts), [hellkitty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellkitty/gifts).



> a/n: Inspired by hellkitty who threw the prompt into the ether. Written for ravynfyre and hellkiitty. I suck at drabbles and crack and funny ._.;; I hope you both like it!
> 
> Disclaimer: @NASAJPL and @marscuriosity are the actual twitter handles of the mars rover team, which are public and so there has been no infringement on privacy.  
> Mars Curiosity rover is owned by NASA and the US government I am just having fun with the concept. None of this belongs to me.
> 
> //comm speak//
> 
> Thanks to eerian_sadow for the quick read through

Year: 2012. Location: Mars orbit. Perceptor reporting.

//Perceptor to NASA control and Teletraan. Sky Lynx is ready to make his descent now. Cosmos will remain in orbit with Blaster so we can maintain communications. You’ll hear from us again once we touch down on the Martian surface//

The Ark: command centre.

//Perceptor this is, Prime. We’re monitoring your signal in conjunction with the humans, they’re a little concerned. They tell me that the weather on the surface is about to take a turn for the worst. Don’t take any unnecessary risks.//

//Understood Prime.// Perceptor replied.

//Risks?// Sky Lynx interrupted over the comm. //Please, Prime, you of all mechs should know that no mere Martian storm will stop me from landing safely. This is what I do.//

Perceptor spoke up. //I believe the chances of the storm preventing our landing to be minimal, Optimus. I have every faith in Sky Lynx.//

“Not that he needs the ego boost.” Jazz snorted in amusement beside Prime.

//Be that as it may, just be careful. The humans are running this show and any deviation from their instructions can make them nervous.//

//Understood, Prime. Perceptor out.//

The transmission went dark and Prowl turned to glance over his shoulder at Prime. “Makes them nervous?” He asked with a raised orbital ridge.

Optimus glanced at his second and folded his arms while clearing his throat. “What are you implying, Prowl?”

Jazz chuckled and nudged his leader. “Just that you wouldn’t think we’d ever travelled to another planet before to listen to the humans.”

Optimus straightened and waved at his subordinates dismissively. “Nonsense, this is simply an important mission for us and the humans, important for relations of course. It’s not their fault they get jittery.”

“Jittery?” Jazz questioned with a grin. “Prime, you banned them from the command centre, I’d say jittery was an understatement.”

Sighing, Optimus wilted slightly. “I’m honestly beginning to think it’s a condition of their short-lived organic condition. Now if they’d just stop trying to abort the mission every time somebody sneezes then we’d get on just fine. Now, continue monitoring while I go speak to their NASA command before they start having conniptions on us.”

Jazz and Prowl shared a small smile and turned back to their consoles. “Yes, Prime.” They answered simultaneously, amusement evident in their tone at their leader’s mild frustration with their human hosts.

****

Two hours later: The Ark: Prowl’s console.

Curiosity Rover @marscuriosity:

 [@NASAJPL](https://twitter.com/NASAJPL) [#MSL](https://twitter.com/search/?q=%23MSL&src=hash) The @Autobots have touched down on Mars surface. Expect more updates as their work progresses.

            Autobots @autobots:

            @ marscuriosity  Glad to hear it. We will hand over the mission control to’  [ @ NASAJPL ](https://twitter.com/NASAJPL)  ~ Prowl.

Jazz snickered as Prowl hit send. “You do know you don’t have to sign your name every time you update the twitter feed, right?”

Giving Jazz a withering look, Prowl sighed. “I’m well aware of that, Jazz but I feel it helps give the humans some structure when they know who they’re talking to.

“We have our own accounts, mech.”

Door wings twitching, Prowl got up from his seat. “Well if you think you can do better, be my guest. I have actual work to do.” The tactician replied stuffily before marching primly from the command centre.

Jazz’s smile widened as he settled into the vacant seat. “Now we’re talkin’.”

“Jazz…” Prime rumbled behind him. “I do not want a repeat of last time we let you loose on that thing.”

“Sure thing, boss.” Jazz answered, not really paying attention as he typed.

Autobots @autobots:

            @marscuriosity [@NASAJPL](https://twitter.com/NASAJPL) @percyscience_wizz Everything’s groovy. Prime says; ‘Let’s roll.’

****

Mars surface

“Why are they using that infernal human internet device to communicate?” Sky Lynx complained loudly. “Surely Teletraan is far more capable than their machines.”

“It’s not really the point, Sky Lynx.” Perceptor surmised. “This mission isn’t just about scientific advancement but about unity between our two cultures. It’s wonderful when you think about it really. Two entirely different species united in a mutual goal, a yearning to understand and learn together and to grow, all thanks to science.”

Blaster could be heard chuckling over the comm. line. //I’d say someone is having the thrill of his life.//

Perceptor smiled. //The pursuit of knowledge is a thrill in itself, Blaster. It may not be as emotive as your music but it makes me feel alive to be learning and exploring the possibilities that science has to offer.//

//Well before you overload down there,// Blaster replied dryly, //there’s a dust storm coming in fast. I suggest you get to the Rover’s location, the Gale crater should provide enough shelter from the worst of it.//

//Right you are, Blaster. We’re on our way.// Perceptor replied cheerfully, thoroughly enjoying this first visit to the infamous red planet. //ETA twenty earth minutes on foot.//

“Why are we walking again?” Sky Lynx drawled.

“Because my good friend, you can’t explore a new planet from the sky.”

“I was exploring it just fine.” Sky Lynx responded sullenly.

//Just be careful down there.// Blaster interrupted before the space ship could protest further. //We’re not entirely sure of the geological environment of Mars’ surface and Sky Lynx, really mech; you should know how Percy is by now. Science before safety remember?// He laughed lightly before the comm. signal cut out.

“How could I forget…?”

“Oh it’s not that bad.” Perceptor assured, patting Sky Lynx’s side as they set off towards the Rover’s location. “Science doesn’t come without its risks, Sky Lynx. This way we will learn so much about this planet and how we can work with it to further progress.”

Sky Lynx resisted the urge to groan as he hung his head. “I think the only thing I’m at risk of is being bored to stasis.” He muttered glumly.

****

Four hours later: Martian surface: Inside Sky Lynx’s cockpit.

Perceptor @percyscience_wizz       

            [@NASAJPL](https://twitter.com/NASAJPL) @Autobots Experienced a strong sand storm, seem to be out of the worst of it, the work continues!@marscuriosity is undamaged.

Jazz @doing it with _style_

@percyscience_wizz   got sand in your vents?

Perceptor @ percyscience_wizz

@doing it with _style_ I’m not entirely sure how that’s pertinent. O_o

Autobots @autobots

            @percyscience_wizz [@NASAJPL](https://twitter.com/NASAJPL) glad to hear it. Keep us informed ~ Prowl. @doing it with _style_ don’t you have work to be doing?

            Jazz @doing it with _style_

            @autobots  Aww Prowler, are we jealous because you don’t have an account. Don’t worry mech, I’ll create you one.

                        Autobots @autobots

                        @doing it with _style_  that will not be necessary. Now focus! And stop calling me Prowler ¬_¬

Curiosityrover @ marscuriosity

Exciting work ongoing with the @autobots picture to follow once new AI module is uploaded and new laser installed!#pewpew

Chuckling at the rapid exchange on the primitive communication interface, Perceptor shook his helm. “Jazz doesn’t learn does he?” He called out to Sky Lynx who let out an indignant huff.

“The glitch likes the attention."  
  
//Especially from him.// Blaster added with a chuckle.

Tilting his helm slightly as he thought about it, Perceptor hummed thoughtfully. “I hadn’t thought of it that way before. It would be an odd pairing, quite unlikely given the probabilities—“

“—Have you ever known Jazz to follow statistics?” Sky Lynx retorted. “If there’s a rule to break, he’s the one to find the best way to break it.”

“Yes you are quite correct in your assessment of him.” Perceptor mused as he gathered his tools for working on the rover. “It’s what makes him quite so invaluable to the Autobot cause.”

//I’ll not tell him you said that.// Blaster chimed in over the comm. //You’ll never live it down.//

“Indeed.” The scientist smirked in amusement. “Ego is such a fragile thing really. Now when you turn your processor to science something as frail as ego ceases to be of much importance anymore.”

//There he goes.// Blaster commentated cheerfully.

“Not again.” Sky Lynx groaned. “Can we please just get on with the work, Perceptor.”

“Oh yes, of course.” The red mech stepped outside onto the now calm martian surface. “My apologies, I get carried away sometimes, it’s just… I’m excited to be here.” He stated, taking an image capture of the planet at dawn.

“Mm, I got that impression.” Sky Lynx replied dryly.

Unfazed, Perceptor headed over to the mars rover and nodded in appreciation of the expertly engineered craft. It was the size of a human car, which made it bigger than him, but not too over-sized to work on, if anything it was just right given some of the detailed work he was going to carry out. It was a crude design but functional nonetheless. Placing his tools to one side, Perceptor set about to his work while Sky Lynx surveyed the area as per protocol. They knew it was uninhabited planet but the Decepticons had a tendency to show up just where you least expected them to and as Red Alert pointed out to them frequently; you could never be too careful.

//Hey I’m picking up a signal four kilometres south of your position.// Blaster spoke over the comm. his frown clearly audible.

“That is peculiar.” Perceptor stated, straightening as he pushed to his feet. //Do we know what’s causing it?//

//I have a suspicion.// Blaster replied. //It’s stationary for now; I don’t think you’ve been detected. Might want to start packing up and heading home though?//

Frowning, hating interruptions to his work, Perceptor, glanced at Sky Lynx and back at the rover. //I shouldn’t be too much longer. The laser has been installed I’m working on the circuitry and memory upgrades now. The new AI system should be operational in about an hour.//

Sky Lynx shifted uneasily. “Perhaps less talk and more work would be prudent right about now.”

“Agreed.” Perceptor nodded, his mouth set in a thin line. The implications of whose the signal was weighing on all of their processors. As he worked diligently though a niggling thought crept into his processor. If it was the Decepticons, then what could they possibly be doing on Mars…?

Finishing up his work he sent the tweet back to Earth via Sky Lynx’s internal monitors.

Perceptor @percyscience_wizz        

            [@NASAJPL](https://twitter.com/NASAJPL) @Autobots The rover is complete, start your engines! @marscuriosity is ready to roll.

            NASA [@NASAJPL](https://twitter.com/NASAJPL)

            @percyscience_wizz  glad to hear it! Running test now.

Autobots @autobots

@percyscience_wizz  Well done, we’re however currently preoccupied with the Decepticons. Hurry home! Wheeljack could use your help! ~ Prowl

Frowning at the succinct reply back, Perceptor comm’d Blaster. //What appears to be happening, what do they need my help with?//  
  
//’Cons have some kind of mind reading device, they’re picking them off where they can’t possibly have seen them and they’re firing an EMP charge from an unknown location, look Percy, if you’re ready, they need you back home.//

Steepling his fingers as a theory formed in his processor, Perceptor shook his helm. //Not yet.// He stated firmly. //I have a theory.//

//We don’t have time for theories right now!// Blaster countered in frustration.

//Bear with me.// Perceptor insisted. //That signal from earlier, how did you detect it?//

//Low frequency, barely registered in the background static. Intermittent. Why?//

//And you said that the Decepticons are firing an EMP charge from an unknown location but you can’t detect a source?//

//Yes. But what does this have to do wi—//

//—They’re using a booster signal, very likely bouncing it off Earth’s own satellite system, embedding it in the coding so it remains mostly undetected and the charge is almost certainly coming from one of those satellites.//

//Riiight.// Blaster replied slowly.

//You and Cosmos go back to Earth, scan the satellites, the one with an overwhelming energy signature is your culprit. Destroy it, explain to the humans later.//

//And what are you going to do?// Blaster asked incredulously.

//Destroy the signal of course.// The scientist replied matter-of-factly. Stepping out of the shuttle as he closed the channel, Perceptor glanced at Sky Lynx. “We’re going to be here slightly longer than planned I’m afraid. But I do have a plan, if you’re willing?”

“I heard.” Sky Lynx replied with all seriousness. “I am at your disposal.” The shuttle replied graciously with a small smile. “Any excuse to get one over the Decepticons as the humans say.”

Matching his smirk, Perceptor nodded gratefully. “Clearly Jazz is more of an influence on you than you admit.”

“Nonsense!” Sky Lynx stated haughtily. “Now let’s get to work, before I change my mind.” He teased.

****

Earth: Outside the Ark.

Jazz growled as he ducked the shot from the seeker and countered quickly not taking any chances as he hurled himself behind an out cropping of rock. //Prowler were pinned out here, most of us are down. Can we locate that fraggin’ EMP yet?!//

//No. Stay close to Prime, his position is compromised, I believe they’ll fire the weapon at him next.//

//I’m on it. Sunny, Sides’, cover me! Prowler get Percy down here before we’re all fraggin’ fried!// Jazz ordered as he darted out between fighting mechs, letting his rifle fire in well aimed strikes as he ran for Prime.

A loud buzzing filled the air, signifying an incoming EMP blast, bracing himself as the air seemed to thicken and his circuits tingled, Jazz curled up and tensed, only to be thrown back onto the floor as a blast of white exploded about them. Intakes racing, he pushed himself up after a few kliks and frowned at the sight of seekers falling out of the sky, of ‘cons dropping where they stood and the rest of the Autobots picking themselves up off the floor looking as befuddled as he was. “What the frag…?” He muttered in confusion.

Approaching his third in command and offering his hand, Prime frowned. “Jazz, report.”

“Haven’t got the foggiest, Sir.” He replied straight away, ignoring his leader’s dead panned look. //Prowler, what can you tell us?//

//I.. Um… well… it’s, I don’t…err… I don’t really know…//

“Seems Prowl’s at a loss, Prime, maybe afflicted with whatever the ‘cons are given that he normally has an answer for everything.” Jazz reported glibly with a growing grin.  
  
//I am not!// Prowl could be heard protesting over the comm. line before Jazz cut it off.

“Jazz…” Prime admonished lightly. “Let’s fall back while the going’s good.”

“What about the ‘cons?”

“We could slag ‘em all now.” Sunstreaker called out, his foot shoving one unconscious ‘con out of his path.

“We will not be killing anyone least of all defenceless Decepticons.” Prime answered.

“Oh because we do so well when they’re armed.” The golden mech muttered sardonically, receiving a shove from Sideswipe beside.

“Watch it, mech.” Jazz warned. “Remember who you’re talkin’ t—“

//--Blaster to Prime, do you read me, is everyone alright?//

//Blaster, we’re fine, thankfully. Are you heading back with Perceptor?//

//That I am and you are not going to believe what happened!//

****

The scientist sat in the growing crowd in the middle of the rec’ room, with a nervous smile, not really used to this kind of attention. “That’s really all there was to it.” He insisted modestly.

“You beat Megatron’s new shiny weapon that would have very likely fragged us all to the pits with a two bit rover the humans built and its 1 gigawatt laser?” Sideswipe asked in complete disbelief.

“Well… yes.” Perceptor answered with a slight shrug. “Although by that point the laser had been upgraded to at least a 10 gigawatt so it did pack something of a punch on unsuspecting Decepticons.”

Jazz laughed and clapped Perceptor on the back in a show of camaraderie. “What did I tell you, Prowler?” He called out across the rec’ room to the tactician who was retrieving his energon for the evening.

“I don’t know, Jazz, you tell me many things, most of them nonsensical.” Prowl replied blandly, giving him a pointed look. “Which of these things are you referring to?”

“Prowler you hurt me.” Jazz grinned. “When I told you we’d make a soldier out of Perceptor?”

“Ah yes, you did indeed tell me that. Which was when I pointed out that Perceptor was already a perfectly capable soldier, his pursuits of science have only helped us in battle against the Decepticons and he’s not a half bad sharp-shooter when he’s forced to use a weapon.” The tactician’s doorwings flicked out as he regarded the crowd coolly. “And stop calling me, Prowler.” He stated as he turned to leave.

“Spoiltsport!” Jazz called out with a chuckle.

“Jazz, if I may..?” Perceptor interrupted with a look of curiosity on his faceplates. “Do you constantly deride Prowl and insist on getting his name wrong even when it’s impossible for Cybertronians to have a speech impediment unless damaged, in order to gain his attentions in the hope that he may harbour feelings of affection towards you and thus will give in to your unsubtle advances over time?”

Jazz stared at him, his mouth hanging open. “Bwuh…?”

The crowd around them whistled and tried hard to hide their snickers of amusement at this most precious of moments. Each one of them watching Jazz for his reaction.

Laughing uneasily, his hand rubbing the back of his helm in an attempt to remain casual; Jazz shook his helm. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, mech, why in the frag would you think that?” He laughed, shooting the crowd of smirking and sniggering ‘bots a death glare.

“Well, Blaster pointed it out to us while on Mars that you constantly hanker after Prowl for attention.” Perceptor explained completely oblivious to the communications’ officer slowly backing away from the crowd as Jazz’s visor turned slowly towards him. “Sky Lynx and I discussed it at length while we were dispatching with the Decepticons on Mars, simply to pass the time until Blaster and Cosmos returned and we could come home. It makes logical sense when you put the behaviours together and dedu—“

“—Percy,” Jazz butted in quietly. “Will you excuse me for a klik?”

Nodding with a slight frown of confusion at the very amused crowd around them and Blaster laughing nervously to one side, the scientist replied cheerfully, he was more than used to ‘bots stopping him mid-stream, not that he minded. “Of course.”

“Heh…” Blaster started as Jazz made his way towards him like a cat stalking his prey. “Don’t look at me... I just work here.” His nervous smile fell and he backed away. “Aw slag…” He muttered before making a mad dash for the exit, leaving the rest of the rec’ room rolling about in fits of laughter as Jazz chased after him with a litany of curses.

Optics brightening with concern, Perceptor stood to go after, only to be tugged back down into his seat by a very amused Ratchet and an energon cube filled with high grade shoved into his hand. “You’ve earned that.” The medic spoke warmly, still chuckling to himself.

Looking around the room at the laughing ‘bots, many of whom patted him amicably on the back as they returned to their seats, Perceptor turned to Ratchet and Wheeljack who were still snickering into their cubes. “Was it something I said?”

****

  



End file.
